I’m sure you’ve seen a number of drug commercials, full of happy healthy people running around flying kites and laughing. The viewer is shown a better life with fast results in hopes you’ll tell your doctor there is a new miracle drug that’s going to save you and make you feel better. Then they usually speed through the side effects at the end. If you visit the drug website, side effects are also listed in several locations. A few will be typical dry skin, nausea and diarrhea, and then the rare dramatic ones like heart failure and death. They don’t list all of them unfortunately.
Have you ever noticed an adjustment in your body and raised an eyebrow, wondering when it happened? Or how long it’s been like that? Sometimes it takes a little time to recognize a difference and associate it as a side effect of the medication you are on. They can start small and go undetected until they are suddenly obvious. As much as we like to believe we notice everything, we pay attention to detail, we don’t miss anything… we do. We ignore and overlook a lot until we don’t. We may be so oblivious that it takes another person to notice and inform us because we are so used to just dealing with our ever changing poisoned body.
I have joined several metastatic breast cancer Facebook groups, as well as some dedicated to the brand of chemotherapy drug I am currently taking. It’s real eye opening what other patients endure on a daily, weekly or monthly basis because of their chemotherapy. I increasingly see women give up on transfusions because they can’t bear what they have to deal with any longer.
What do some of these listed side effects actually mean? Let us talk about nausea for a moment. When you think of nausea, you associate it with just getting sick, perhaps and upset stomach or puking. Chemo nausea is giving up most foods you love because your mouth tastes things differently, you have angry acid flowing from your throat to your intestines, your whole torso feels like a dragon has opened flame. Your stomach is tender and bloated. You think you’re hungry and then you’re not because of all the punishment that will be unleashed. You can be sitting at your desk on a Friday minding your own business and without warning you find yourself running to hug the toilet. Now that I’ve led you to the bathroom, I want to briefly mention two other side effects; constipation and diarrhea. What they don’t tell you is that you can have both at the same time. Yes, you read that correctly.
As a woman in my late thirties, chemotherapy has forced me into menopause. For myself, some things that aren’t on the therapy list include: night sweats, insomnia, brain fog, memory loss, speech impairment, false UTI’s, hair loss, brown patches of skin – the kind associated with aging and deep wrinkles. I get sores in the most inappropriate places that are usually too embarrassing to even bring up to my medical team. My feet have been dry, cracked, peeling and burning for two years so far. Soaking them in hot water loaded with Epsom salt, dish soap, tea tree and lavender oil offers some temporary relief. I often lather them with medicated lotion or Vaseline and put thick socks on overnight and that will help for a day or so. This action always increases my night sweats as you can imagine.
Feeling tired is listed as a side effect. Allow me to elaborate on this. Normally it would mean you just feel a little bla right? Grab yourself a coffee or energy drink and you’ll kick the drag right? What chemo feeling tired really means is you don’t want to function. You don’t want to get out of bed or off the couch. You don’t want to reply to messages on your phone. Fixing yourself something to eat sounds like way too much effort. Picking something to watch on TV also requires more energy than you have available. Taking a shower and changing your clothes might be better suited for tomorrow when you have energy, hopefully. You wish your dog could let itself outside and get its own food out of the closet. A nap should help right? Well sometimes it just fast forwards the day until it’s time for bed again. Don’t be surprised if you’re having a “feeling tired” day and you’re only awake long enough to take a sip of water and potty yourself and the dog three times in a 24hr period. There are also side effects of the feeling tired side effect. The next day you’re going to be sore, stiff, dehydrated and starving. You’ll have a headache and will feel weak and dirty. You’ll shower and brush your teeth 3 times to get the stale ick out of your mouth. Then you’ll load up on ibuprofen and electrolytes in an attempt to jump back into normalcy and accomplish something for the day. You’ll be hard on yourself for doing absolutely nothing yesterday and today you’re going to overdo it because now you need to play catch up. Do you know what you’re setting yourself up for? A “feeling tired” day tomorrow. See where I’m going with this?
There are side effects I don’t have, or that are very mild in comparison to what other women are experiencing, and vice versa. Just because it isn’t on the label doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. If it is on the label, just know there is an amplified experience to go along with it. Stay open and honest with your medical team about your side effects. They can offer over the counter options to help you, they can adjust your dose to help alleviate or minimize your discomfort. Sometimes a change in your mind, diet and exercise routine can really help! Above all, be kind to yourself, treat yourself like someone you love. Give yourself grace and allow yourself days to rest and heal. You’re going through a lot and most people don’t understand.
